He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize