I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
