He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Randomize
