Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
