flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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