Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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