i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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