Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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