Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You made out with two different species that night
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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