your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
