her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
