At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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