Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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