are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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