Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize