If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
