I got chris browned last night
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
