I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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