you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
pray to the hookup gods
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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