so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
