i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
