p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
