i think i have herpe
just one?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
