Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
