the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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