Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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