It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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