i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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