I love black thongs
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
