he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
