cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
