there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
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