May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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