from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
