morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
