I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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