I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
