I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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