My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
