My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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