you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
