I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
