I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize