i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
