i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Houston, we have a blender
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Randomize
