I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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