I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
