kristin has been a bad kristin
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
