3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
