Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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