So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Buhtt sex?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Found your dick twin last night
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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