I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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