i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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