you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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