The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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