Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
