Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
