Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
