apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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