you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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