Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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