i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Randomize
