sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
We had sex on a dog bed..
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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