When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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