You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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