I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize