Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
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