then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
