the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
