Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
