I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
