I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize