Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
