perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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