I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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