Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
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