Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
so much tequila, so little girl.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
