Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
