Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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