If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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