That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
