Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize