Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
