Your face is a jimmy john
So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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