i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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