Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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