im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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