SEEEEXXX PLEASE
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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