he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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