He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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