i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
