So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
