I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize