We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
