im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
