apparently the secret to your success is patron
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Randomize