can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
