All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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