She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
