Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
